Mima & me (my 10th birthday)
In my mind, I never could live up to my mother’s expectations. I felt she thought a woman should be beautiful, svelte, witty and an amazing housekeeper – I was not blessed with any of those attributes. I don’t consider myself hideous, but certainly fall short in the beauty department, my weight has been a constant battle, my sense of humor is a bit strange and not always appreciated, as for my housekeeping, let’s just say it’s as misunderstood as my sense of humor.
I never did ask her what her expectations, if any, were. I was afraid to confirm her disapproval. Her acceptance was too important to me. I fought in vain to be what I am not. Actually I am still doing it. But maybe I am projecting my insecurities and it’s not my mother’s acceptance that I still seek, but my own.
My mother is now gone, but on this Mother’s Day I am reaching out to her in Heaven with a message that as I grow older I understand her more and that I know she gave me the greatest gift of all – her love.
Happy Mother’s Day Mima!
Mírame, Madre, y por tu amor no llores
si esclavo de mi edad y mis doctrinas
tu mártir corazón llené de espinas
piensa que nacen, entre espinas, flores